Why Some Modern Music Irks Me Beyond Belief

Zedd and Hayley Williams make a pretty great combination for a dance hall anthem, don’t they? “Stay the Night” is extremely catchy, and whenever I hear it I can barely help singing along.

It’s too bad the lyrics don’t match up to the coolness of the beat.

See, I heard it the other day on the radio, and just thought, since when did our thinking get this twisted? I mean come on:

Are you gonna stay the night?
Doesn’t mean we’re bound for life

It’s just sex; just a test drive; just because we have sex doesn’t mean we have to stay together forever or anything. We’re just here to have fun and enjoy ourselves.

It disgusts me, because it makes me think of sex almost as something robotic. Like something worthless, a tissue you throw away or an old piece of clothing you got tired of, or something with only recreational value like watching TV or playing a sport. Instead of a gift of self between a man and a woman. Sure, just because you make the mistake of having sex with someone you’re not married to doesn’t mean you have to stay with them forever, but it does have conesquences. And it does mean that you lied with your body (you can do that, you know) by performing an act–sex–that is a gift of self to your spouse, with someone who isn’t your spouse.

Then you have Christian thinking on dating nowadays, which takes it too seriously. Not that I think dating shouldn’t be taken seriously, but society has sexualized just about every relationship, so now dating isn’t just getting to know someone. There’s a ton of pressure–does he like me? could I marry her? will this go anywhere? These are all important questions, but they should be asked and answered at the right times. Instead of being asked and pondered and answered immediately at the beginning of a relationship and therefore stifling it before it can even begin to grow.

Christians unwittingly cater to this with the whole “courtship” thing and give too much gravity to dating, and the secular world doesn’t give enough consideration to the seriousness and value of sex.

It’s freakin’ annoying.

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2 comments

  1. onlylowercasenumbersandlettersareallowed · October 3, 2014

    What’s the point of dating or courtship at all? Isn’t it to discern marriage? If you’re not ready to at least think about that question, why date? You can “get to know someone better” through friendship.

    • Nami · October 3, 2014

      It’s not that the question of marriage should never come up. I’m talking about just saying, “I’m romantically interested in this person and want to get to know them better” and asking them out on a date without assuming that you’re going to marry this person. You shouldn’t not go out with someone just because you can’t answer that question right away, or might initially answer “no.”

      Furthermore, because we’re human sometimes attraction sparks *before* friendship does, which leaves you in a kind of limbo: you need to get to know someone first, but knowing they are attracted to you romantically puts a certain amount of pressure on you that can paralyze you if you take it *too* seriously. Whether or not you consider it dating, it is a different friendship than simple friendship because there are possibilities and, at least on one side, some positive expectations about those possibilities. Friendship and romance therefore intersect in this vague, nebulous area. So you have to be careful not to be frozen by those possibilities or to reject the person simply because they’re not who you envisioned marrying or you’re not sure it’ll work out. Like I said, you don’t want to stifle something before it begins to grow by worrying over-much about it. Or treating the other person like a checklist: do they have this? do they have that? Yep, I can marry them, ok, they’ll do.

      For example, a guy asked me out recently, and we went out to dinner and talked. That was a date. I’m not sure if I’m romantically interested in him or not; I want to get to know him better first. However, since I know he’s interested in me, that puts a certain amount of pressure on me to think of things in a somewhat romantic fashion. At the moment, though, I don’t need to think, could I marry him? Am I supposed to marry him? The answer to that right now is, I don’t know. So my questions now are: what is he like? What sorts of things does he like? What do we have in common? Who is he as a person?

      It’s not a matter of not thinking about marriage, it’s a matter of not putting the cart before the horse. And not being so hung up on “Marriage! Marriage! Marriage!” that you don’t take the first step of asking someone out and getting to know them..

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